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Friday, June 13, 2014
Passion...and Dancing in the Dark
Passion...My fearless passion
What makes you---nah, I have got to learn how to stop asking questions at the beginning of each post. So--- I’ll tell you what makes me feel the most creative. What makes me feel stress-free. As a 250 (give or take 5 lbs-I know…sigh…) pound woman, its kinda breath taking. And I mean that in the literal sense. It literally takes my breath. Like hyperventilating, almost can’t breathe sometimes if I don’t stop and take breaks and WATER breaks in between. What can I say, being overweight will seriously do that to you, I’ve tried losing it but food…bad naughty food-is just too good. Okay-BACK ON TOPIC! What could I be talking about? What’s my think-free passion? Dancing. I love to dance. I only do it when my husband works his overnight job, my kids are asleep and the lights are all off. Strange that I dance in the dark? Trust me I know everything in my living room and I do keep my eyes opne. I have great night vision. Anyway. I’m chubby and shit jiggles, I can’t dance in the light. It’s a hang up-it’s totally a fear of mine but whatev-that’s not the purpose of this post. Dancing for me makes me feel somehow fearless, and alive. Even with my heart starts beating really hard during a Whitney Houston song-I sometimes make it to the end and sometimes I seriously have to take a breath and drink some H2O before I feel like throwing up. Yeah, three minutes kills me sometimes, but I don’t ever feel bad. Just sometimes really fucking out of breath.
I am a mother-and yes they too are my passion-well they are my reason for breathing. Them and my husband-well God too naturally-I wouldn’t be here without Him, you know?-I’m not really talking about that.
I mean doing something that gets the creative juices flowing. I’ve taking dance classes for every elective since elementary school. I was in shape back then. LMAO. Anyway. Dancing for me creates whatever chemical in your brain that gets you feeling like Rocky Balboa when he finally reaches the top steps of whatever building that is-I’ve never really seen the movie, which makes me want to buy the movie now-but when he pumps his arms in the air like he accomplished some great fear.
It really gets my brain to think out of the box-I’d like to do it more if I didn’t feel so effing insecure-hey! We all have our issues, shit jiggling on my body when I can see it is mine. Playing around with my kids is something totally different FYI-When I dance in the dark (Fuck that sounds like something a stripper might say lol. Or something bad and naughty sorry)-anyway, when I dance and I’m ALONE (lol) my brain just de-stresses. Yeah, that’s not a word, and to WORD2013 and autocorrect, you can suck it because I’m adding it to my dictionary biatches-I don’t think about my job or my home life, I have so much fun dancing to pop songs, or 80’s music that’s made for dancing. I love dance movies, like Footloose, Center Stage, Burlesque, Step Up (only movie one with Channing Tatum-sorry all the others just are not my thing-#ChanningTatumGirl), Honey, even Billy Elliot. I do like watching ballet, I suck at it but it’s pretty to watch.
Any style of dancing too. Well to watch anyway. I could never physically do any of that, but I create my own style, I’m a gangsta that way. LMAO.
I would have loved to have gone pro, if I was a lot thinner and hubby/kidless. My life is great and I’m almost 30 so I’m not worried about that.
Like I said I’ve been dancing since I was a kid. Even as a teen and I had a lock on my door lol, I would play my music loud, because well what teen wouldn’t? Back then I was in great shape so I did it whenever I wanted.
Now, I like reading and I write and I LOVE THAT. I like seriously L-O-V-E reading and writing, yes is a passion of mine, and of course it’s creative but it doesn’t give me this ME-TIME. I know a lot of mothers out there who ME-TIME means taking a shower-that’s your ME-TIME. Mine too. Hence, the dancing with kids are ASLEEP and my hubby is working.
There’s not really a purpose to this post, except telling you how I get my engine revving, how I de-stress and feel my heart pulsing with life. Sometimes when I dance, I come up with the best things to write about in my books. I come up with plots or scenes for my books and I can usually stop dancing and write like a mad woman trying to get it all down. Example, there is a book in my PPDS series that is like the 5th or 6th book, I have notes of course but one evening I was dancing and thinking about my writing-(this was back before I even thought of Bound or any other series other than PPDS. At that time PPDS was the only thing I was writing)-thinking about my writing and about the girl who ends up being in a human trafficking ring and escaping etc., well I thought up how she was going to get out of under the guys thumb and saving the girls who was in the brothel or whatever with her. And how years later, becomes an advocate for these women and so on and so forth. I handwrote like idk maybe like 3000 words just from dancing. Of course I usually keep listening to music so I can keep that flow going.
I hope whatever it is you’re passionate about makes you feel rejuvenated and free. I love my family to the ends of this earth and back again. So don’t take this post as a selfish post. I’m just telling you what helps me get creative and feel like I can conquer whatever it is that is ahead of me.
Yeah, dancing does that for me. Even if it’s in the dark.
Tell me what makes you feel fearless! What makes you feel like you?
Thank you for reading this! Feel free to comment and leave me a line. Talk to me!
Take care, xoxo